Praise be to Allaah.

 

With regard to men wearing gold, whether it is a ring or anything else, it is not permissible under any circumstances, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade gold for the males of this ummah. He saw a man wearing a ring of gold and he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) took if from his hand and said, “Would any one of you take a coal from the fire and hold it in his hand?” (Narrated by Muslim, al-Libaas wa’l-Zeenah, 3897). So it is not permissible for the Muslim male to wear a gold ring. But with regard to rings of silver or any other kind of metal, it is permissible for men to wear them even if they are precious metals.

With regard to the wedding ring, which is worn on the occasion of marriage, this is not one of the customs of the Muslims. If it is believed that it generates love between the spouses, and that taking it off and not wearing it will have an effect on the marital relationship, then this is regarded as a form of shirk and is a kind of jaahili belief. Based on the above, it is not permissible to wear a wedding ring under any circumstances.

Firstly, because it is an imitation of those who are no good; it is a custom that has come to the Muslims from the non-Muslims.

Secondly, if that is accompanied by the belief that it has an effect on the marital relationship, then this is a kind of shirk. Laa hawla wa laa quwwata illa Billaah (there is no power and no strength except with Allaah).

(From a fatwa issued by Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan).

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen was asked about the ruling on wearing engagement rings. He said: The engagement ring is a kind of ring, and there is nothing wrong with rings in principle, unless that is accompanied by some belief, as some people do when the man writes his name on the ring that he gives to his fiancée, and she writes her name on the ring that she gives to him, believing that this will create strong bonds between the couple. In this case, this ring is haraam, because it is an attachment to something for which there is no basis in Islam and which makes no sense. Similarly, with regard to the engagement ring, it is not permissible to the man to put it on his fiancée’s hand, because she is not his wife yet and she is still a stranger (non-mahram) to him, because she is not his wife until after the marriage contract has been done.

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by Muhammad Alshareef

1. Use your ‘Fitnah’ to win the heart of your husband.
All women have the ornaments that Allah blessed them with. Use the beauty Allah Ta’ala has bestowed you with to win the heart of your husband.

2. When your husband comes home, greet him with a wonderful greeting.
Imagine your husband coming home to a clean house, an exquisitely dressed wife, a dinner prepared with care, children clean and sweet smelling, a clean bedroom – what would this do to his love for you? Now imagine what the opposite does to him.

3. Review the characteristics of the Hoor Al-Ayn and try to imitate them.
The Qur’an and Sunnah describe the women in Jannah with certain characteristics. Such as the silk they wear, their large dark eyes, their singing to their husband, etc. Try it, wear silk for your husband, put Kohl in your eyes to ‘enlarge’ them, and sing to your husband.

4. Always wear jewelry and dress up in the house.
From the early years, little girls have adorned themselves with earrings and bracelets and worn pretty dresses – as described in the Qur’an. As a wife, continue to use the jewelry that you have and the pretty dresses for your husband.

5. Joke and play games with your husband.
A man’s secret: they seek women who are lighthearted and have a sense of humor. As Rasulullah (saw) told Jabir to marry someone who would make him laugh and he would make her laugh.

6. Thank your husband constantly for the nice things he does. Then thank him again.
This is one of the most important techniques, as the opposite is a characteristic of the women of hellfire.

7. An argument is a fire in the house. Extinguish it with a simple ‘I’m sorry’ even if it is not your fault.
When you fight back, you are only adding wood to the fire. Watch how sweetly an argument will end when you just say sincerely, “Look, I’m sorry. Let’s be friends.”

8. Always seek to please your husband, for he is your key to Jannah.
Rasulullah (saw) taught us that any woman who dies in a state where her husband is pleased with her, shall enter Jannah. So… please him.

9. Listen and Obey!
Obeying your husband is Fard! Your husband is the Ameer of the household. Give him that right and respect.

10. Make Dua to Allah to make your marriage and relationship successful.
All good things are from Allah. Never forget to ask Allah Ta’ala for the blessing of having a successful marriage that begins in this Dunya and continues on – by the Mercy of Allah Ta’ala – into Jannah.

And Allah ta’ala knows best.

There is no sin on you if you sit with your fiancée in order to work out some details of the wedding, but you should not be alone with her, so one of her mahrams or her mother should sit with you, and there is nothing wrong with that in sha Allaah.

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked the following question in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (20/429):

I love a girl very much and she also loves me. I have seen her only once, and I started to speak to her by phone within respectable limits, and we agreed to get married. Most of my conversations with her have to do with married life and the mutual understanding between spouses that is necessary, and how a wife should treat her husband and look after his house, and so on. Is it permissible for me to speak to her if she calls me, or is that not permissible?

He (may Allaah have mercy on him) replied:

If a man wants to propose marriage to a woman, it is permissible for him to speak with her and look at her without being alone. When a man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to ask his opinion, he said: “Have you looked at her?” He said: No. He said: “Go and look at her.” And he said: “When one of you proposes marriage to a woman, if he can look at that which will encourage him to go ahead and marry her, let him do so.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (1783).

Looking is more serious than speaking, so if the conversation has to do with the marriage and where they will live, and how married life should be so that he will know whether she is familiar with these issues, there is nothing wrong with that if he wants to propose marriage to her. But if he does not want to propose marriage to her, then he has no right to do that. So long as he wants to marry her, it is permissible for him to talk to her about the engagement and about that which will encourage him to marry her, and she may do likewise, so long as they are not alone together; rather it should be done from a distance and in the presence of her father, brother or mother etc. End quote.

Praise be to Allaah.

 

It is not permissible except in a case where both parties trust one another and where the parents agree to the marriage and have no objections. In this case it is acceptable for them to speak to one another in a normal manner, discussing matters of life that concern them. But if they know that their parents do not agree to that, then it is not permissible for them to speak to one another in this case.

Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen.

The fiancée is still a non-mahram woman and speaking to her is still speaking to a non-mahram woman, so it must be done properly and only as much as is necessary, such as agreeing on specific matters to do with after they get married. Attention must also be paid to the following:

1 – It must be done with the agreement of the woman’s guardian and with no objection on his part to the marriage.

2 – The talk should not involve anything that may provoke desire or cause temptation.

3 – There should be no other way of telling her what he wants to say, such as through his sister or her brother, or by letter.

4 – It should not go beyond what is essential.

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

This one’s a pdf..click on the link please.

 

http://www.reviveourhearts.com/pdf/30DayChallenge.pdf

All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds, the Merciful, the Hearer of supplications, and peace and blessings upon our beloved and humble prophet Muhammad,and upon his family and companions.

When marriage is spoken of during these “modern” times, Muslims become horrified, conjuring images of an arranged marriage, trying to find that “perfect” companion, how much of a financial burden it will become, and so on. The reality is that Islam came to solve these problems, not exacerbate them, yet unfortunately we have integrated our local traditions and customs with Islam so that marriage has become a major concern for a man rather than a delightful experience.

When living in a free, perverted and corrupt Western society, the Muslim male youth finds many temptations and tests, as a result of mixing with females, which he must face and overcome. He must constantly resist these temptations, which are thrown at him in the streets, on the media, and at work. And so the wisdom of the Prophet (s.a.w) echoes on, when he said: “O young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains the eyes from casting (evil glances), and preserves one from immorality…”

When seriously considering marriage, you must pose the question to yourself as to just what kind of wife you want, what her qualities should be in order to establish an Islamic and peaceful household, and how you will know who she is.

As Muslims, we believe that Allah wants the best for us, and that His Prophet (s.a.w) illustrated this through his own life. So note that by following the advise of our own Creator, and that of His beloved servant, we can only be successful.

WHO TO MARRY

Islam is clear on the kind of wife you should be seeking. The Prophet (s.a.w) said: “A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty, and her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may you be blessed.” This specifically defines just what kind of a companion we are seeking, for if we marry her for anything other than her religious piety, our marriage is bound to fall into misery.

True, beauty and charm is hard to resist, yet beauty does not last forever and does not guarantee you her obedience and religiousness. Financial status is dynamic, and so is worldly status, yet religion strongly establishes a household, and it may be that through your intention of marrying her for her religion, the rest is given to you anyway. In another hadith, the Prophet (s.a.w) said: “The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.” Imagine! Nothing in this world is as valuable as a pious woman! This point has been stressed many times by Rasulallah (s.a.w), who himself, when asked what three things he loved the most, mentioned a pious woman. Once the following ayah was revealed: “They who hoard up gold and silver and do not spend it in the way of Allah, unto them give tidings of a painful doom. On that day when it will (all) be heated in the fire of Jahannam, and their foreheads and flanks and their backs will be branded therewith (and it will be said to them): ‘Here is what you hoarded for yourselves, now taste of what you used to hoard’ “[al-Taubah: 34-35]. Umar (r.a.a) has been quoted to say that, when this ayah was revealed, he approached the Prophet (s.a.w), submitting that the ayah weighed heavily on the minds of the Sahaba. Rasulallah (s.a.w) replied that the best thing to be treasured is the devoted wife who causes pleasure when seen, obeys orders instantly and takes full care of herself and her husbands property when he is away. Abu Bakr once asked Rasulallah (s.a.w) what was the best thing to be treasured, and he (s.a.w) replied: “the tongue in remembrance of Allah, the heart filled with thanks to Allah, and a pious wife who helps in virtuous deeds”. Look at how valuable such a woman is in the sight of Allah! How can a man live unhappily with such a person.

QUALITIES OF THE PIOUS WOMAN

Alright, you say, you’ve convinced me, but what actually makes her a pious woman? The answer is simple: Allah himself has described those qualities most loved by Him in the Qur’an, and in the ahadith there are numerous accounts of the virtuous attributes of a pious woman.

The following are some ayahs on the attributes of the wife you should be seeking, so note those fine and appreciative qualities. The following are some ayahs on the attributes of the wife you should be seeking, so note those fine and appreciative qualities. “And women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity”[s.24;v.26]

“Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husbands) absence what Allah would have them guard”[s.4;v.34]

“It may be, if he divorced you (all), that Allah will give him in exchange consorts better than you, who submit (Muslims), who believe, who are devout, who turn to Allah in repentance, who worship (in humility), who travel (for faith) and fast…”[s.66;v.5].

And then, in surah Ahzab, is a full list of those qualities loved by Allah, qualities which by the way should be evident in both males and females. So, my dear brother, choose her for the following attributes:

A Muslim woman

A believing woman

A devout woman

A true woman

A woman who is patient and constant

A woman who humbles herself

A woman who gives charity

A woman who fasts and denies herself

A woman who guards her chastity

A woman who engages much in Allah’s praise.

Among the four known perfect women was Maryam. She was loved by Allah because of her religious qualities: “O Maryam! Worship your Lord: prostrate yourself, and bow down (in prayer) with those who bow down”[s.3;v.43]. Another was the wife of Pharaoh: “And Allah sets forth, as an example to those who believe, the wife of Pharaoh: behold she said: ‘O my Lord, build for me, in nearness to Thee, a mansion in the Garden’ “[s.66;v.11].

The Prophet (s.a.w) loved his wives because of their religious qualities. Aisha once related the fine qualities of Zainab: “(Zainab) was the one who was somewhat equal in rank with me in the eyes of Allah’s Messenger (s.a.w), and I have never seen a woman more advanced in religious piety than Zainab, more God-conscious, more truthful, more alive to the ties of blood, more generous and having more sense of self-sacrifice in practical life and having more charitable disposition and thus more closer to Allah, the Exalted, than her.” Ahh, you think, but you’ll never find such a woman! Well, if that was true, Allah would not have described her in the first place, and furthermore those qualities were emanating from the women described above. Islam deals with reality, not fiction. Sure, the perfect woman doesn’t exist, yet “if you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good”[s.4;v.19]. Remember also that you are not perfect either.

KNOWING WHO SHE IS

To find that pious woman, there are two steps to be taken, and that firstone relies on your personal observation. In surah Nisaa, Allah asks the believing women that they should “lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments,” and also that they “should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments”[s.24;v.31]. If you notice a woman acting modestly, being not too obvious through her actions (by lowering her voice when around men), one who attempts to hide her attractions (which includes her external beauty as well as her internal charms), then you know she has some of those precious qualities. When you see a woman unashamedly flirting, unconcerned about her revealing clothes, and freely converses with males- keep far, far away. I’m sure when you get married you want your wife to devote her love to you, not to twenty other “just good friends”.

Through simple observation, you can get a glimpse of her nature; for example, the way she stands when conversing, how she maintains eye-contact, her clothes, where she spends her time etc. Look for her strong points, and don’t stress on her weak ones.

Yet, after all this, we still have to come to the most important topic. You can look all you want at her, set a private investigator to track her movements, read her diaries (all of which I consider extreme and unIslamic), yet, my dear brother, no-one knows her heart and intentions, no-one knows whether she will turn sour or more religious, or whether you are suitable for each other, except for Allah.

TRUST IN ALLAH

We are choosing our wife for her permanent values; namely her religious devotions, moral integrity, character etc. But believe me, if we try ourselves to combine a marriage, we are almost sure to fail, because we have no knowledge.

Allah loves a servant when he puts his trust in Him. When we do so, it is illustrating how we rely upon Him for help, and proving our sincerity to Him, establishing that we recognise His infinite knowledge and wisdom.

Islam is likened to being as a house, and in my estimation nothing cements that house together as well as putting our trust in Allah.

It is related on the authority of Jabir ibn ‘Abdullah that the Prophet (s.a.w) used to teach his companions to seek, through a special du’a (known as an istikharah), the guidance of Allah in all matters which affected them. Rasulallah (s.a.w) said: “When you are confused about what you should do in a certain situation, then pray two rak’at of nafl salaat and read the following du’a (du’a of istikharah).”
I am surprised at the criticisms thrown at this du’a, and of its negligence. We are humans, powerless in this sphere of life, knowledgeable only enough to survive. So why shouldn’t we turn to Allah and seek His perfect help whenever we require it? Allah responds to the call of His servant when he asks for guidance, and we are after all seeking to do something in order to please Him.

Many wrong notions exist concerning istikharah. Many Muslims will pray, read the du’a, and run to bed expecting to see a dream showing them their future wife, what her favourite colour is, and some other weird fantasy. That is not the purpose of this salaat.

The results of an istikharah can take many forms. Basically, you go by your feelings, whether you now feel more favourable or not. Also, you may notice events have changed, either for or against you. Finally, as a wonderful gift from Allah, you may be blessed with a dream. Note that you must follow the results of an istikharah, because not doing so is tantamount to rejecting Allah’s guidance once you’ve asked for it. Also, you should firstly clear your mind, not have your mind already decided, and then afterwards follow the results willingly.

The Prophet (s.a.w) once sent Zainab a proposal of marriage. She refused to accept the proposal straight away, expressing her intention to refer the matter to Allah: “I do not do anything until I solicit the will of my Lord.” Allah, the Responsive, answered her plea for help and revealed an ayah approving of the marriage. We may seem shocked at her refusal to accept a proposal from what is the best husband any woman can have, yet she was just recognising that it is Allah who knows how successful such a marriage will be, and as a sign of appreciation, that reply is now preserved in our Holy Book: al Qur’an.

The Prophet (s.a.w) once said to Aisha: “I saw you in a dream for three nights when an angel brought you to me in a silk cloth  and he said: ‘Here is your wife’, and when I removed (the cloth) from your face, lo, it was yourself, so I said: ‘if this is from Allah, let Him carry it out’ “.

Marriage is a serious step, and requires the right attitude. If marriage completes half our faith, shouldn’t that half be the best half? A woman married for the wrong reasons can only weaken the Muslim household. Consider that she will be your life-long companion, the rearer of your children. Don’t marry her for her worldly wealth, but for her wealth in Islamic wisdom and knowledge. Her status in this life is but illusionary, so choose her for her status in the sight of Allah. Beauty is but superficial, but the beauty of Iman is transcendent.
When asking Allah for a wife, call upon Him by His beautiful names, as He has commanded us: “For Allah are certain and dignified names: therefore call upon Him by them”[s.7;v.189]. Ask for a companion who is devout, pious, patient and so on. Be among those who say: “Our Lord, may our spouses and our offspring be a joy to our eyes and make us leaders of the righteous”[al-Furqan,74].

I cannot provide a better conclusion than saying that you must put your trust in Allah. You must have trust in His concern for us, and His ability to help us. Allah says: “Put your trust in Allah, for Allah loves those who put their trust in Him”[s.3;v.159].

May Allah help us in our sincere efforts in following His commandments and the way of His beloved servant, and provide us with wives whom He loves. “When my servants ask you concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I respond to the prayer of every supplicant when he calls on Me: let them also, with a will, listen to my call, and believe in Me: that they may walk in the right way”[al-Baqarah,v.186].

The Ideal Muslim Woman and Her Husband

(An Excerpt from the Book “The Ideal Muslimah: The True Islâmic Personality of the Muslim Woman as Defined in the Qur’ân and Sunnah”)

By  Dr. Muhammad ‘Ali Al-Hashimi

Translated by Nasiruddin Al-Khattab and Revised by Ibrahim M. Kunna and Abu  Aya Sulaiman Abdus-Sabur Copyright and published by the International Islâmic Publishing House (IIPH), Riyadh, Saudi Arabia in 1999.

Marriage in Islam

In Islam, marriage is a blessed contract between a man and a woman, in which each becomes “permitted” to the other, and they begin the long journey of life in a spirit of love, co-operation, harmony and tolerance, where each feels at ease with the other, and finds tranquility, contentment and comfort in the company of the other. The Qur’an has described this relationship between men and women, which brings love, harmony, trust and compassion, in the most moving and eloquent terms:

( And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts] . . .) (Qur’an 30:21)

[…] http://www.wefound.org/texts/Ideal_Muslims_files/herhusband.htm

I’ll just put the link here because cp’ing an entire book might be a bit much..

http://kalamullah.com/best-of-all-husbands.html

Where the River Meets the Sea: Lessons in Marriage Mastery for the Muslim Woman
by Heba Alshareef

The Nile River is generally regarded as the longest in the world. It has been valued since the beginning of time. Through it, an ancient civilization was born. In it, traveled a young baby alone in a basket, who would later grow to be an honored prophet of Allah SWT.
The waters of the Nile, besides being used for cultivation from thousands of years back, have been revered in history books, praised in poems, studied by architects and explorers, and even considered a gateway to the afterlife by those who followed pagan religions.
Still, there is this point near my mother’s ancestral home in Egypt, called the Rosetta Branch, where the Nile River meets the Mediterranean Sea. I stood there on the banks of the river, and the sands of the sea. The sea azure, so breathtakingly beautiful, so strong. And next to it the Nile, surrendering it’s weakness; muddy, minute. Right there, where the river meets the sea, the Nile doesn’t seem to be all that anymore. In fact, she seems rather petty and insignificant.

****

Those who know me, who’ve experienced coaching calls with me, will all attest to the fact that I am a champion of strength. Strength of purpose, strength of vision, strength of self-image. And they may be surprised that in this article, I am encouraging submission. But one doesn’t have to be removed from the other. As women generally, and as wives specifically, we can be both strong and weak. And when you find the ability to balance your strengths and weaknesses, you will find the ability to master your marriage.

Muslim women should live by this hadith: The Prophet SAW said, “A woman who offers her fard salah, fasts the month of Ramadhan, protects her chastity, and obeys her husband, will enter jannah from whichever door she chooses.”

And much debate has risen over this hadith and others like it. Haters would use it to defy the status of women in Islam. But they would have missed so valuable a point.

Allah SWT has made it simple for the woman. It is not degrading, but enlightening.
Allah SWT knows the nature of women. He, ajja wa jal, is our creator. He knows what we need. And when we have husbands, good, Allah-fearing husbands, then He, SWT, has given us the formula that will make us happy in this life and happy in the next.

****

Some of us women work, some of us are in school, some look after their homes and children, and some of us subscribe to all of these roles. But the most important role, the one we should give top priority to, is the role of outstanding wife.

Years ago, my mother, like so many Muslim mothers read me the advice of Omama bint Alhareth to her daughter on her wedding day. I couldn’t find a translation that does the Arabic justice, but there are 10 things that she mentioned that I have lived by since then. And Alhamdullilah, my marriage is now considered a mastered one; and one of my choosing.

She said:

“Be his slave, he will be yours”
“Be a good listener”
“Respect his judgment, his decisions”
“Do not let his eyes fall on anything filthy of you.”
“Be weary of his sleeping time”
“Be weary of his meal times”
“Be mindful of wasting his money; do not be cheap, but practice moderation”
“Do not disobey any of his orders”
“Do not share his secrets with anyone”
“Do not show happiness when he is sad, or sadness when he is happy”

Really, really reflect on these. How have you been living up to them? Have they become second nature to you so that you do them without even thinking? It has to be so. And if it is not, make it so! Start now. Mirror his moods, listen to his thoughts. Don’t bother him when he’s napping and make sure his supper is ready on time. Don’t betray his confidence even to your best friend or your mother. Be his slave and he will be yours. Trust me, the formula works.

Marriage is an institution, it’s a structure that provides for generations and generations. If your marriage is a happy one, the children that rise from it will be happy and they will have the techniques necessary to make their marriages happy ones as well. Marriage is the Sea. And in order to allow our individual marriages to flourish, grow, and prosper, we must stand on its sands and surrender.

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