Bismi Allah. As-salaamu ‘alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakaatuh,

So you think sending your wife to the plastic surgeon will put that spark back into the relationship? Not likely. Actually, you’re the one who needs to go to the Curv Dr.

The Curv Dr. will teach you the 6 primary love needs of women. If you fulfill these needs, the bonds of love will only strengthen.

C – Caring
U – Understanding
R – Respect
V – Validation

D – Devotion
R – Reassurance

Caring – when a husband shows interest in his wife’s feelings and heartfelt concern for her well-being, she feels *cared for*.

Example: Anas ibn Malik narrates, “I saw the Prophet (salla Allahu ‘alaihi wa sallam), making for her (Safiya) a kind of cushion with his cloak behind him (on his camel). He then sat beside his camel and put his knee for Safiya to put her foot on, in order to ride (on the camel).” [Sahih Al-Bukhari]

Understanding – When the husband listens without judgement but with empathy and relatedness to his wife expressing her feelings, she feels heard and *understood*. Don’t presume to already know your wife’s thoughts or feelings when she is trying to communicate them to you. Instead, gather meaning from what is being said.

Example: If your wife is talking about the frustrations of the day how unbearably long the line was at the supermarket, just listen to her and when she’s finished, say, “Wow, that must have really tried your patience!” Show her that you understand her feelings and can relate to her experience. Don’t say, “Ummm… You should have just used the self-checkout.” Instead, just listen and show you understand without offering solutions. Later on, when she’s not venting, you can suggest that she try the self-checkout.

Respect – When the husband responds to his wife in a way that acknowledges and prioritizes her rights, wishes, and needs, she feels *respected*. Physical expressions of respect like flowers, gifts, keeping her likes/dislikes in mind, and showing your appreciation are essential.

Example: Make an effort to look good for her. Give her gifts – they don’t have to be big or expensive. Always show her appreciation for even the little things she does.

Validation – When the husband does not object to or argue with a woman’s feelings and wants, but instead accepts and confirms their *validity*, she feels loved. Confirm her right to feel the way she does. (You can confirm her point of view even if you have a different point of view).

Example: Once during a journey, Safiyyah (radi Allahu ‘anha) was crying because she had be made to ride a slow camel. The Prophet (salla Allahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) didn’t tell her she was being unreasonable. Instead, he wiped her tears, comforted her, and even tried to find her another camel. [Can someone find the actual hadeeth and its reference?]

Devotion – When the husband gives priority to the wife’s needs and commits himself to supporting and fulfilling her, she feels adored and special. When she is more important to him than work, television, etc., then she feels his *devotion*.

Simple example: Look at her when she talks to you. Don’t be afraid to show your devotion. The Prophet (salla Allahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) openly stated his love for his wives.

Reassurance – To repeatedly do all of the above *reassures* the wife that she is continually loved. The husband must reassure his wife of his love again and again.

Simple example: Give her a hug and say “I love you” 4 times a day at least.

Ok, guys, time to memorize it:

CURV DR.
C – Caring
U – Understanding
R – Respect
V – Validation

D – Devotion
R – Reassurance


Can anyone share more examples of each category? Even better – give us hadeeth that illustrate each category!

(Based on the work of John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus)

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